Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
