I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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