he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
home. puking in laundry basket.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
