he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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