my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
