Dude my mom stole all your condoms
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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