cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
