it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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