You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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