You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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