so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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