My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
