Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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