Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
