When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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