And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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