Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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