i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
