The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
