Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
