True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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