Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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