WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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