I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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