And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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