girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
