We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
