He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so explain again why im purple
no
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
