So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
