My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
