Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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