Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
