I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
