So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
