btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
