At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
