the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
