Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
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This house was built for laser tag.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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