I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
