I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
