it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
