she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
