I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
