Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
