I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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