I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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