In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
