I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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