he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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