And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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