You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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