I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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