And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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