I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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