Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
