she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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