the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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