Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
