Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
