Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
