She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
