Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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