I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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