bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
