I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
