Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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