Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
